


What We Know is Almost Nothing at All

by 2ofacrime24



Series: What We Are [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s06e22 The Man Who Knew Too Much, Gen, Godstiel: Cas as God
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-24
Updated: 2011-05-24
Packaged: 2017-11-20 17:20:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/587842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2ofacrime24/pseuds/2ofacrime24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel visits Dean after not seeing him for a month.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What We Know is Almost Nothing at All

If Dean was honest, he was often waiting for the earth to open up and swallow him whole, for Castiel to slam down onto heaven and put his ass back into hell and on the rack for not proclaiming his love as Castiel had commanded of him. Yet it had been a month and Castiel had not made his presence known. Dean wondered some nights if he was alright, if he was still alive and well before he then remembered what Castiel was now, a God and no longer an angel. He then cursed himself for worrying about him.

Sam had woken up two days after Castiel had mended his soul, looking healthier than Dean had seen him in a long time. He had sat on the couch biting his bottom lip, as he looked about the room, confused and yet peaceful. Dean had sat down in a chair opposite him and asked, “You okay there, Sammy?” Sam had nodded and smiled.

“Yeah Dean, I’m good. It’s just strange is all.” Sam turned and looked out the window behind the couch, spotting the clear sky and smiling.

“What is?”

“I can remember hell,” Sam stated softly and Dean jerked in his seat, his worry meter spiking to it’s highest reading. “I can remember it but it doesn’t hurt. It’s like I understand why I was there and that it wasn’t my fault. And now I’m free and it can’t hurt me anymore.” Sam huffed a laugh and turned back to Dean, a small smirk lifting one corner of his lips. “It’s like I can think rationally about it now as I had been trying to do. Only this time it works.” Dean nodded slowly, not really understanding what Sam had meant. “Did Cas?” Sam began, his expression dropping into a worried frown as he looked at his brother.

“Yeah,” Dean nodded, looking down at the floor. “Yeah Cas fixed you.” Sam nodded and turned his gaze to the floor.

“I remember stabbing him with the angel’s blade. I feel horrible Dean, like I didn’t give him the chance to do better, you know? I just stabbed him even though it’s him, it’s Cas.” Dean shook his head and stood up from his chair. He made his way over to Bobby’s desk and poured some of the whiskey found there into an adjacent tumbler. He downed the shot he poured there before pouring himself another glass and turning to look at his brother.

“Not anymore. He’s not Cas anymore.”

“But he has to be! I know he’s gotta be somewhere in there Dean. He’s done so much for us! We can’t just let him go, we gotta help him.” Sam exclaimed softly, crossing the threshold to stand across from Dean who wouldn’t meet his eyes and only stared at the whiskey he swirled in his tumbler.

“He’s gone Sam, just drop it,” Dean sighed, downing the whiskey once again.

“But Dean- he’s family!”

“I said drop it!” Dean slammed the tumbler down on the desk, startling Sam slightly who stepped back and stared at Dean with brows drawn and his frown deepening. “Let’s get this straight right now because I’m tired of going through it,” Dean began stepping into his brother’s space as if to hold Sam’s attention and make sure his brother was listening. “Cas is gone Sam, he isn’t coming back. We lost him, okay? We fucked up, we didn’t take care of him, and we lost him. What’s walking around up there right now might look like him, might sound like him, hell might even act a bit like him but it isn’t him. It’s a deranged God hell bent on forming a Heaven, Hell, and Earth dictatorship! The sooner you realize this the better off we’re gonna be. Do you understand?”

Sam pursed his lips and stiffened, not even breathing as he silently stared at Dean who finally after a few seconds of glaring at him backed down and began to turn away. Sam shook with fury.

“So that’s it. We’re just gonna walk away.”

“We’re not walking away, Sam. We’re gonna fight him, we just have to figure out how,” Dean sighed as he rubbed at his eyes, his back kept towards Sam.

“Like that’s so much better! Dean, you didn’t leave me!” Dean turned slowly on his heel and looked at his brother.

“What’s that mean?”

“It means when Lucifer was wearing me as a prized meat suit, you didn’t turn your back on me. You fought for me. You gave me the strength I needed to get back and defeat him. How is this any different from what’s happening to Cas right now?”

“Because he chose this!” Dean yelled eyes widening as he thrust out his arms in frustration. “He chose to open that door, chose to take in those souls, chose to keep them, chose to turn his back on us, on me! He had plenty of time to just ask us for help and he didn’t. And then he kept them even when he had the chance to give those damn souls up.” Dean sighed and swallowed the non-existent moisture in his mouth; his eyes watering as they darted about Sam’s person, trying look at anything really but at him. “Just leave it Sam,” he began softly, brokenly before pulling himself together and taking a deep calming breath. “He’s gone. Game over. It’s time to get back to work.”

Sam didn’t bring up Cas again. Instead they spent the next month throwing themselves into whatever hunts they could find which weren’t much. It seemed that every demon, monster, and even bad guy was taking a break, which was strange because as far as Dean knew, Castiel hadn’t made his presence known to the world yet. He kept waiting for the ball to drop; sure it would come one day soon. In the meantime, he worked on random cars that littered the junk yard, working his fingers till his hands were caked in oil, his skin was matted with sweat, and his mind was blissfully void of any thoughts of Castiel. Unfortunately it never lasted long and Dean would find himself thinking about the once angel without realizing it until an hour or so had gone by.

He had finished restoring the carburetor on a ’65 Mustang when he decided to turn it in for the day. He grabbed the rag sitting atop the adjacent tool box and steadily worked on ridding his hands of as much oil as her could while he looked over the engine, inventorying what still needed to be done until the car would be running once again. When he had rid his hands of as much oil as he could, he lowered the hood of the car gently and rested on it, looking out to the junkyard, Bobby’s house already lit up in preparation for the oncoming night. The moon was already visible and within a few hours the stars would be too.

Dean looked up at the sky and sighed, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply through his nose. It was as he was counting down from ten that he heard it, the all-familiar rustle of wings. He tensed, opening his eyes to find Castiel standing in front of him, a few inches away, his eyes leveled with his own. Dean leaned back slightly, bracing his hands on the hood of the car, his fingers digging into the grill and he stared silently back at Castiel. His eyes had returned back to their original color, the pupils no longer over taking them and swallowing them in darkness. And if Dean didn’t look hard enough, he could almost imagine that Castiel wasn’t different. But there was something there, something wrong about Castiel’s eyes that had Dean fighting not to scramble back on the hood of the car to get away from the new God.

Castiel stared for a moment, smiled, and stepped back, granting Dean the space he had so desperately been wanting. “Dean.” Dean nodded and side stepped away from Castiel, chucking the rag on the toolbox as he walked about the makeshift garage, putting a workbench between them. Not that it would do much good if Castiel wanted to get at him. Dean was out of his element; he knew if Castiel wanted him Dean wouldn’t stand a chance.

“What are you doing here?” Dean asked gruffly, carefully watching Castiel as he approached the car, running his fingertips over the hood of it where Dean’s palms had left imprints in the dirt.

“I came to see you, of course.” Castiel replied softly, as if the answer was obvious. “It has been some time, I wanted to see how my favorite human was doing.” Castiel flashed a toothy smile as Dean grimaced and stepped further back.

“I thought God wasn’t supposed to play favorites,” Dean quipped spitefully, causing Castiel to let loose a loud chuckle that rippled down Dean’s spine and made him curse the sound.

“My father always played favorites Dean. And while you are right in that I probably shouldn’t, that as the new God I should treat all my,” he paused, titling his head as he moved around the car towards Dean. For a moment he almost looked normal. “Children,” he picked up once again, nodding towards Dean, “the same. But I find that I cannot. It is something I have come to terms with.” Dean frowned and stepped further away from the angel who was slowly, almost cautiously, advancing towards him.

“Still, someone may get jealous,” Dean replied. Castiel smiled widely and nodded in good humor, as if he found Dean to be funny, open, friendly, when Dean’s body language was anything but.

“True, though I doubt it. I am quite good at keeping secrets. No one should know that you are favored.” Dean scoffed a harsh laugh, his eyes narrowing.

“Actions speak louder than words, Castiel. People will figure it out if you keep hovering.” Within a second Castiel was upon him, invading his space and making it impossible to move away. Not because he was holding Dean there. Dean was positive that if he wanted to, needed to, he could move away. But Dean needed to stand his ground, show the new God that he wasn’t afraid, that he wouldn’t back down.

“Why do you call me that?” Castiel growled, his nostrils flaring. Dean blinked surprise, sure that he had triggered Castiel’s anger with the hovering comment, remembering the time long ago when Castiel had explicitly told him that he was not there to perch on Dean’s shoulder.

“Because that’s your name,” Dean replied, watching Castiel cautiously. His eyes flickered with something. At one time Dean might have called it hurt. He didn’t know what to call it now. “Why are you really here, Castiel?” he murmured, watching as Castiel stepped away and straightened his back, his eyes leveling with Dean and his lips drawn into a grim line, his humor gone.

“I have finished purging Heaven of Raphael’s followers and have set up a new regime. One where angels can chose their own fates as they were meant to. It has taken some time, my father, after all, did not create angels to function with free will. It is why I have been gone so long.” Dean nodded slowly, not saying a word. Castiel continued. “Originally, before I freed those souls from Purgatory-“

“Took,” Dean interrupted. “You took them.”

“Freed them Dean. I freed them. In purgatory they wondered around lost and aimless. A different kind of madness arises in Purgatory but it’s surprisingly similar to the madness of Hell. By imbibing them, joining them with my own grace I freed them. They are free of that madness, Dean. They thrive within me and live, free of the taint that corrupted them in life.”

“You mean those souls, those people are in there with you, conscious of everything?” Dean asked.

“In a way, yes they are. Do you have any more questions or may I continue with what I was saying?” Dean did have questions, tons of them but he didn’t voice them. He knew that Castiel probably was aware that Dean did have more questions but he chose to ignore them and continue the discussion at hand. “As I was saying, originally I had planned to return here to earth and live out the remainder of my existence as a human.” He paused and looked at Dean. When Dean didn’t saying anything, he continued. “I simply wanted Raphael stopped. Had he gone on, had he taken in these souls, the world as we know it would be gone. I did what I had to do to save this world and everything in it.” He paused, taking a deep breath though he hardly needed it.

“When I joined these souls to my grace, my mind was opened. I could see everything Dean, past, present, and future or at least what it would be if I stopped. Heaven would have fallen into chaos without either Raphael or I to lead. God, my father was not coming back anytime soon and when Heaven fell so would have everything else. The balance that keeps our worlds cohabitating so perfectly would have been destroyed and the work I had done would have all been for naught. I could not let that happen.” He stepped forward, closing the space between himself and Dean. “Do you understand what I am saying? If I let these souls go, if I un-joined them from my grace not only would they have returned to the madness in which I had found them, but the world as we know it would have been destroyed. Angels are not meant to survive without a creator.”

“Cas-“ Dean paused, cursing himself for letting nickname slip but the God in front of him looked too much like his friend, sounded too much like him, smelt too much like him. He sighed and looked away from Castiel’s all too knowing eyes. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because we were once friends. Because you once considered me family and I once loved you more than anything else on this earth.” Dean’s eyes flickered upwards and locked with Castiel’s, surprised by his admittance of something every one had been hinting at for years and for the simple fact that such things still mattered to him. “Things are different now. My feelings have changed due to what I now am just as yours have. However I still respect the relationship we once had. I respect you and the fact that you have not yet moved on from it.”

“I have moved on,” Dean bit back bitterly, lying shamelessly through his teeth. “You don’t see me begging you to change, do you? I’ve accepted what you are, what you’ve done. I have moved on.”

“No Dean, you haven’t. It’s no use trying to lie to me Dean. It does not become you.” Dean pursed his lips and simply glared, hating the fact that Castiel could read him so well, perhaps even literally now that he was a god. “I don’t understand your pain. I cannot relate to it and I am sorry for it. I wanted you to understand why I chose this. I hope by explaining everything, you will not fight me.”

“Yeah well the jury is still out on whether you’re right or not.” Castiel titled his head to the side and narrowed his eyes, questioning. “You declared yourself God Cas! And on top of that you threatened to kill everyone who didn’t agree, including Bobby, Sam- me! Me Cas, you fucking threatened to kill me if I didn’t bow down to you! Do you get how fucked up that is?” Castiel nodded, frowning.

“Yes, my words were quite harsh but true non-the-less. I cannot have people, human, angel, or demon, working against me so early during this transition.” Dean pursed his lips and moved towards Castiel, pointing at him, shaking with anger.

“You’re telling me,” he began as he watched Castiel warily, “that if I don’t bow down to you that you’re going to kill me?” Castiel sighed but did not answer. “That’s what your saying. That everything we’ve been through, everything I’ve done for you, everything, doesn’t mean a damn thing to you. I don’t mean a damn thing to you.”

“If you fight me, yes Dean. I cannot allow you to mean anything to me,” Castiel warned softly. Dean slumped, fight gone out of him as he looked to the sky. He could just make out a few stars, the sun having already mostly sunk in the distance.

“Well that’s just great. That’s just fucking perfect.” He turned slightly away from Castiel, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried and failed to steady his whirling emotions. “Well I don’t know what to tell you, Castiel. You know I can’t get behind this and you know that if you do this, if you hurt innocent people that I’ll have to stop you.”

“You can’t stop me Dean, any more than you could when I was an angel. You’re just a man.”

“I’ve taken down bigger and badder. You’re not the first god I’ve come across and you won’t be the last.” Dean replied, green eyes locking with blue. There was sadness there, faint, as if what he was saying hurt Castiel.

“I am nothing you have come across Dean. I doubt you could stop me. I doubt that even Death himself could.”

“Yeah,” Dean replied, gaze hardening. “Well I guess we’ll just see.” Castiel frowned, stepping forward and reaching out, his fingers brushing Dean’s cheek before falling away.

“Don’t do this Dean. I do not wish to fight you.” Dean shook his head and stepped back, away from the familiar man in front of him, the safeness, love, and stability he had once represented.

“You’ve made your choice Castiel. I can’t change it and I won’t turn my back on everything I know to be right. So this, all of this, it all depends on you. If you continue with this, if you throw everything away, then I’ll stop you or I’ll die trying.” Castiel nodded, his frown deepening as Dean took a deep breath, awaiting his fate. Nothing came, nothing except Castiel’s lips that pressed briefly against Dean’s own.

“I’d give anything for you to change your mind,” he heard Castiel whisper, feeling his breath ghost his lips and then with the flutter of wings Castiel was gone, leaving Dean wondering when exactly the end would come because he knew it was coming soon.

End.


End file.
